In the Mirror

 

“Thank you for being there for me – I am blessed to know someone like you…..”

 “Only if I would have find you years back my life would have been much better…Thanks”

“ With you around I feel much more stronger …Thank you for standing like a rock for me…”

 

And there are still more words/ sentences of similar effect, I keep hearing from people I barely know … -so repetitive and so similar in nature that now it is analogous to the cluttering of a machine to my brain- which has stopped accepting the emotions underneath at all- love and appreciation do not stir a ripple in my heart any more. I do not doubt the intent/sincerity of people who said such things to me- I better not! The question which leaves me pondering every night is- “How can somebody be so special for every one??”-  Its not something to boast about, it’s strange it is weird, it’s scary!!!

At this point it is important to explain to readers, who are chuckling at my baseless disclosure of a common phenomenon and exaggerating upon it , following important points:

a)      I am not a Counselor nor a spiritual leader neither a doctor or a lawyer

b)      I am not running an NGO, for upliftment of society

 

And more importantly it’s only since last few years, I am being given garlands of such appreciations. Every one like to be loved & respected in the society, then why am I not happy? I am no different from others! I am standing in front of the mirror ,its already past midnight, I am all alone, I am all by myself, feeling bad about the guy who told me in the evening ‘how I made him a better man’… I almost felt my reflection smiling at me as if its saying : “What a waste of time!- go off to bed” – I cant! not today, I frowned at my reflection, tomorrow is weekend!, so I stood there gazing at myself (oh! I m beautiful!!)…I saw myself I am so imperfect, so diabolic, so scheming type  How can I actually make someone a better human? When, I am not even near human myself. If humanity has 100 points I would barely get passing marks!

My Mashlow’s pyramid is inverted: 

I have attained self actualization before other basic needs like Social Stature! I know I am no God, infact I am close to devil, but yes I know that for sure and never felt godly before, may be that does make me an elevated individual. Atleast I know! Or may be I am lucky “bitterness” is what I have in me, and I speak that too, ascerbity has two effects- depression or elevation, my listeners took my harsh words sportingly (No one committed suicide, or left the job in hand) and became “better humans” instead; however if anybody is taking chances with their life in future (or after reading this) I know I will come out clean, I am born in the family of lawyers! This is what all spiritual gurus are doing…. And man they are rich!!

 So far so good I have no regrets – not even for wasting one hour in front of the mirror (oh! I am beautiful)- my heart’s feeling light now and I can go off to sleep finally. If I am contributing in making even a man a better individual I am happy I better not think of expurgating my diabolical thoughts- that someone else’s job!!

  

I went off to sleep immediately and in my dream I saw thousands of people sitting with hands clasped, praying silently as if the god in front is the answer to all their worries and pain. The people are ready to give up all their asset and gold just to have a blessing from one that’s sitting on golden throne, surrounded with “greens” and “yellows” while people around chanted prayers.  As the prayers grew stronger and people became more anxious just to see the face of God, flame of the lamp glowed . I could see the face of God myself!

There on Golden throne sat a goddess so serene,

Her smile was pure her intentions clean

She never objected your yellow or green

For she can make you a man you wanted to be

Away from all pain careless and free

And as the lamp’s flame glowed her face I could see,

Sitting on golden throne was noone but me!  

 

*Wide Awake*